Scroll of the Year: April

Hello loves

April was a tale of two halves. The first half of the month was spent sorting out the flat ahead of our imminent move. I was feeling stuck, fearful and anxious (see March) and so I made the decision to just get on with it despite not having a moving date.

Working towards our future really did shift something in me. I planned, decluttered, dismantled, dusted, upcycled and more. I put my small business on hold and worked very hard over the Spring holidays, gaining new diy skills along the way. I felt exhausted but lighter and excited about what was to come.

The second half of the month was about adjusting…On the first day of the new term I received the distressing news that the buyer had pulled out. It really was only a matter of weeks rather than months until we reached completion on the sale. Therefore, like a runner who has started well in a race only to be told it was a false start, I was cross and upset.

The flat was at the messy stage and I had to get my head around preparing it for viewings rather than moving. Tears were shed and curses were uttered! I reached out to my bestie, who arrived armed with her drill, sense of humour, warmth and cuddles and along with my son, we got the flat sorted. Huge thanks to my squad.

I sat down to journal afterwards and the words came pouring out about life and work, as did these reminders…

It’s ok to feel whatever emotions are coming up for me at any point and in fact acknowledging them helps to process them.

I work so hard, sometimes too hard and I struggle with the fact that my small business does not (yet) pay the bills, however my self-worth is not linked to my earnings. I have a tendency to compare myself and my work to others and this so often results in me making decisions that lead me down a path that does not feel like mine.

I looked back at some work I created last year that I hadn’t shared. It was colourful and joyful and I wondered why I had abandoned it. It might sound odd but I think I am a little scared of colour, of using it boldly in my work. It is about not wanting to be too conspicuous. I feel the same way about wearing it. And colour brings me such joy! So here’s to being brave and embracing the colour like I did this month.

Here are some bonus delicious details…

And here’s to May. I wonder what it will bring and I remain open to all of its lessons.

With love and warmth always,

Lu xxxxxxxxx