Originally published 31 May 2017
Oh my goodness, here I am and here you are! Thank you so much for visiting me at the start of this new adventure! Within this post, I am going to make a start at trying to explain what has motivated me to open the door to this next stage in my life.
You can find a little bit more insight into my reality versus my dream on my ‘About Me’ page.
As I embark on this journey, I am full of fear but also full of huge excitement, that I have finally come out of the ‘this is what I really want to be doing and if I don’t do it I will regret it and always wonder what would have happened if I had opened the door and stepped out into the light’ closet! That’s a big mouthful! And that’s a big old closet to have been in for so many years and it is fear and self doubt that have kept me in it. But I’m ready to tell my story now…..
When I was 7 years old, we did such a sweet project at school. We were asked to write our autobiographies, to put into words key events that had happened in our short lives so far and what we wanted for our futures. I remember a little bit about what I wrote. I started at the beginning with where I was born and who the members of my family were, I told a fab little story about my Mum buying me the best outfit, including a snazzy silver belt for my 7th birthday and in between these stories I told a fib. I figured that my life hadn’t been all that eventful so I ‘borrowed’ a story from my brother. I retold the story of being in the garden playing, when a spider jumped onto my hand. When I got to the bit about what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said I wanted to be an author. Well, I was already telling stories!
I found my autobiography years later and I was so taken with my little 7 year old self writing that, because I had been struggling to feel settled in my career for years and I had started to hear a little voice inside me telling me that I wanted to write. I ignored this voice however, exploring other avenues and doing a very good job of convincing myself I was happy in what I was doing. And perhaps part of me was happy for a while here and there.
I have been crafting for a few years now and writing a craft blog for the last year and a half, Two Crafty Brownies, with my dearest friend Jenny. I can tell you that being creative in this way is the closest I have got to feeling like ‘this is it’. I am so happy when I am sewing, cross stitching, decoupaging (the list goes on…and on!) and I’m going to carry on doing those things. But when I am writing about creativity, reflecting on life or a visit to the countryside and beginning to put my ideas for children’s stories into writing, I am at my most happy and fulfilled.
Fear and self doubt tell us a story don’t they? They tell us that if we listen to the voice that is showing us the right direction, telling us to try something else, convincing us to dare; that we might not succeed, that we might be rejected and that if we are in the social media arena, people might not follow/like/read etc. All those big, fat, ‘what ifs’! But the story that fear doesn’t tell us is that by daring, we might enjoy the journey, that embarking on that path might actually make us happy, open new doors and bring new opportunities.
I am almost certain that when my first story is ready and I send it off to numerous publishers (I actually don’t know what the proper process is but I will learn. That is part of the journey and yes this scares me hugely!), it will be rejected. I am not banking on this acceptance being my only root to happiness. It is the process that I am going to relish. This blog is part of that process and I am going to document it and share it with you as I go along.
Of course, my dream is that there will be a group of publishers hammering down my door and pushing each other out of the way to be the first to publish it and I am taking a big risk because this might never happen. But if I don’t dare, I will never know. I am so fearful, but I am using that as a sign that this really matters to me and that I am on the right track. Since I came out of that creative closet and made a decision to go for it, the fear hasn’t subsided, but I am also ‘jump up and down’ excited and I am feeling so much more joy.
I am going to do what I love and what makes me happy. I want to fill my blog with beautiful images and tales of creativity from my garden, nature, nostalgia, slow living in the city, times spent in the countryside and my efforts to write stories and become published. I am going to write!
I am so very grateful that you have taken the time to read my very first post. I do hope you stay with me and follow along as I work towards my dream one creative step at a time. Next week, I am delving a little deeper. I am going to be writing about identity and how that fits into my story.
Big kisses and all the love sweetpeas,
PS – you may have popped over from instagram but if you have found me another way, you can connect with me there, over on pinterest and if you would like to email me, you can fill out the form via the ‘Get in Touch’ link above. More kisses xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx